urge to purge

thursday night went to coco deville. new club not yet open next to STK on lacienega. met up with alison melnick and mary anne and had a few too many drinks and cigarettes. sat with laura prepon and her friends discussing being single. then i told them what just went down w/ my breakup . collective OH MY GOD's how can he do that to you?

ok, he didn't DO anything to me per se...he did what he wanted and it in turn affected me. deeply. and there is nothing i can do about it. throwing up my hands and wishing him well is about all i can stand for now. who the hell knows what FL is doing about his feelings, urges. i know that missing him is a lump in my throat. its like a sore throat which is something ive been actually nursing for what seems like almost 3 weeks. the smoking has got to come to an end.

i haven't hooked up, done the deed, gotten busy in a while and im not terribly crushed over it. i dont foresee this being an event very soon and im quite convinced that even if i do meet someone, it will be many dates before i let him hit it. i mean yikes, the thought is too fucking scary but i need to find a way to channel that sexual energy out. and working out doesn't count cause it makes you want it more. so its about GOD. turn to god. if my hands get too idle, i'm gonna freak out.

went to cara and mario's engagement party. im really happy for them. i think they make the cutest couple and they're funny and smart and engaging. cara said she read the blog and i felt really honored because i dont know who reads this and i just write it. just for therapy. to get stuff out of my brain. we made tons of cocktails and played guitar hero (see a theme) i love guitar hero by the way and i kicked ass on it last night. its rare but i did quite well. i made them a CD of mashups, you know to commemorate their merge. i'm SO clever.

the idea came to me after i found a mashup of maneater and easy lover. genius.

i didn't get a chance to clean my apartment which annoys me. i have shit everywhere unclean clothes, TOO many books, shoes most of which i dont know which fit or not. i need a day to myself besides the weekend.

"as soon as the world comes to its senses i'm going to travel"
- matt damon's deaf girlfriend in "the good shepherd."


more on this later, this is something i plan to do and i had a epiphany today that i'm just going to fucking do it already.

you should hate me now fun fact: my dad's retirement benefits from delta include free plane tickets for the rest of his life and that includes myself, my sister and mom. so buying tickets to go somewhere is not the problem.