bitter is the new hilarious with the peanut gallery

recent comments from my best friends:

schwartz: (pregnant pause) well...how would he know? no really! I dont think he even knows how to know. give him a break.

biggles: good to hear! im just so glad i dont have to hear about dude anymore.

m-a. s: ohmygod stop crying!!! you are strong! who the fuck cares he's on a different planet, where the fuck is antigua by the way?

my sister: aw, gosh i never realized how cute he was! oh well...can't do worse right?

mando via im:
smrtmnky: where's wonka?
adrenalynqueen: argentina
smrtmnky: oh they like to fuck alot down there
adnrenalynqueen: omahgod please dont make me kill you
smrtmnky: o sorry...to fuck means make sandwiches down there...yes? no?

mattie: darling you're doing remarkable this go round--can only imagine how your work will be when you meet someone new...so get on that

ginsky via IM: now you got it...keep it up! lets see how far you get w/o an assault and battery charge - dem's just jokes...

cara on facebook: i noticed you posted a new favorite book, does that one at least have zombies in it?

mario to schwartz (during popsugar/tech crunch event) : wynter always has these white boys following her around

sasa via iphone: seriously? since when did we become so nosy! since forever!

random who has never met FL but always asks about him like they were buddies: where's your man
me: we broke up
ra: for real this time?
me: uh, yea.
ra: no, really? oh. ok i wont ask anymore, nice guy.


other: he didn't step up.
me (confused): well he had to prove it to me before anyone else.
other: yea, he couldn't prove it to himself though
me: agreed
other: then why would you want that?

craigslist forums in early april:
a haiku for kweenofeverything

he left.
youre here.
alone.
get the
picture.



me: trust me, its crystal clear the high definition quality of this break up.