iron man

going to see it tonight. tried to go last night 2 times and get to arclight and its all sold out. hilarious. we trudged back to my car to attempt to go to citywalk (which i didn't REALLY want to do) and i kept passing this amazing black Infiniti, then I turned to james and said "wait, is this the same floor" and he replies with his signature laugh and "you don't tell anyone and i won't either...promise?"so this is obvi after a huge 420 sesh back at my place. we drove around the 5th floor parking 6 times. SIX TIMES.

well...i wont tell anyone else.

being each other's wingman is a gift and a curse. who better than to hang out with when you desire male companionship, its just easy - boys don't have as many hangups as women. and the girls that i'm friends with who have no hangups are busy being married, divorced, mother's, careers. i'm little miss newly single (must get a shirt for that) and really single like a rebirth of sorts and its seems difficult for me to just be a girl out flirting trying to catch bait. i can't do that. im dating myself. would i date me? not right now. in a few months i would, and i would feel lucky. ive learned so much about myself in the last 3 weeks. about what i'm capable of given my passion. of how i can effort change and decide whom i keep company with. i've done like a company re-org now that the co-ceo has bailed on the partnership. when you trim the fat, we're smarter, better, faster, stronger. plus having a boy that is your friend who knows you intimately but no longer is in my opinion the new black. you aren't concerned about feeling awkward with them cause how much more awkward can it get, you've seen the other's O face - so what's so hard about just bitching to each other and going out to parties?? nothing. its so easy. i think we're just glad we aren't breaking up with each other, cause we dont have to.

the curse is, i dont know how to not be awkward when he's picking up chicks, and NOT in that way where i'm jealous, just how do i navigate out of that situation cause its awkward. i'm not actively seeking sue right now - i'm taking it day by day and getting to REALLY know myself. i have no time for getting down w/ anyone. plus i have a plan...a big plan. THE plan of all plans. so i just walk away and go smoke a cigarette and hope i run into someone i know. which happens alot. being single is strange. im like craning my neck looking at boys, i caught myself being stalkerish with a BUS DRIVER in westchester yesterday as i drove schwartz's lexus back to her apartment. but im just looking. i can't open my mouth and do anything but talk about how mature i feel. how much i enjoy partying. how i wish i could negotiate partying w/going to the gym.

so many parties.


i luv luxe vehicles like schwartz'- nice smooth ride, of course i blew up the speakers she is happy about the mix i left for her "pyr8 bootie mixx 2008" and hanging w/ jack, that kid is golden.

the kid looks like my ex. its not his issue. so its not easy when i look at him, those big ol' green eyes trying to pierce my soul. he's so good at that. i like making faces at him and talking to him like he is an adult. babies are freakish, this baby belongs to one of my best friends, i can't believe she gave birth. i can't believe she lost all her baby weight. i can't believe i actually love her new man. schwartz and i will take a nerd over a stud any day. if god provides both which is a coup, we'll accept those too.

andy dugan called me a bad ass today. which i totally agree with. and to you my friend.

im twittering.

i slept like a baby last night. i think turning off the TV has something to do w/ it and i had a dream about my grandmother. she told me that she was very proud of me and this is key because every time she's stopped by my astral plane, she's been pissed. so it was incredibly gratifying to have her tell me she is very proud of me. i needed to feel that energy. i needed to connect to my ancestors.

i can already tell this week is gonna be just hectic. lunches, mother's day in san fran, events. ugh. i want to be on vacation. from reality.

the date is set however for vacation: august 29 - sept 6

i am heading out of the country.

i think i'm going to go to paris because my mom said it will make me cry and then to yucatan so i can swim.

aniston is my motivation. with biel's ass of course and beyonce's waist. thank you.