the lady in red is back to black

its not a sob story. we should have never moved in together.

the story in between when we met and when we fell apart and when he moved to argentina is not important. at least not important enough for a full recap here and now. he left because status quo wasn't enough and frankly it wasn't enough for me either.

incidentally, coulda, shoulda, woulda is my favorite sex and the city episode.

we should have lived apart, spent less time together and more time dealing with our selves.

i didn't really discuss living with him w/ others. i didn't want many people's opinions on how i lead my life and when i did tell people, they didn't have much to offer in terms of advice, just a resounding "dont do it".

what does that mean? give me more information, don't hold back. but no one could really put into words what it meant to live with someone w/o confirmation that this person will love you till the end of days. and if it that person does in fact love you, till the end of days, that they will continue to want to watch you take a piss, or pick your nose, wear your worst rags. i got so little accomplished living with FL. everyday felt bizarre. detached.

it was the worst decision in hindsight. we simply were not ready. i hadn't really felt settled at my job, i didn't love my job. he was unsure about his own. i wasn't on the lease. we had too much furniture and an enormous television that felt like a 3rd roommate, really i had too much stuff and it overwhelmed him. i was domesticated but not overly fussy but i felt like he should share how he felt and he could do that whenever he wanted.

what did it mean for me though? what did i want?

a mortgage, marriage and a baby. two babies. four at the most.

im not getting tht anytime soon and im ok with that. for now.

i miss FL, i wish him love and luck and happiness. such an awesome soul, i know this is best.