best of the rest

most blogs about women, who are single, and in their 20's. are full of dating recaps, girl's night outs and sex.

the before and latter minus the girls night out is not what yer gonna see for the near future. i say near because my desire is to bounce out of this fucking pool of despair very soon. and i will.

i went out with schwartz yesterday and had a blast with her and her baby son, jack as usual. we have been friends for almost 10 years. we've had one major fight in that entire time. friendship is something i dont take likely and i have learned the real importance as i've grown older. recently an old friend came back into my life. i hadn't seen her in over a year and when i sat down at Urth Cafe on Melrose to have a tea with her before rushing to a dinner with some PR friends of mine, i have to tell you that it was refreshing. seeing someone after a long time where there was no conversation i was happy to see her. the story is not worth repeating, she made a decision the rest of the mean girls didn't agree with. it was childish and motivated by selfishness, our actions. she was a selfish person once, she knows.

a year is a long time, and it reminded me of what would or could happen if i sat down w/ FL a year from now. its not the same, she was never my lover but the moment we sat down we talked and laughed like no more than a day had passed since we last saw each other. it was brilliant! we'll call her Lala. Lala and I spent the next hour of our meeting talking about the next stage of our relationship. designating wha boundaries we would set up. i saw maturity and fear in her - she doesn't want to be burned again. she still cares about our relationship but what touched me most was how she said she relied on our relationship for support and its because of who i am. when i changed my position in her eyes she felt torn and hurt. i get that and i understood. it made me realize how our words cut like a knife. she never forgot the words that made her decide not to be my friend anymore. and i hadn't even pinpointed what it could have been. more than ever its important to be present and focused. that's just the way its gotta be.

i can't imagine sitting down w/ FL for now and feeling healed. (Lala mentioned she wasn't all the way healed herself) i would still feel like everything that we've been through hurts my heart. last night i hung out with my friend jennifer and she's just so much fun. she's really smart, her opinion always valid she listens to me and calls me on my shit. i appreciate that. i debuted my skinny margarita. had not had that before and it was delish. i learned about it from my favorite guilty pleasure - "real housewives of new york" and bethenny frankel who is a healthy cooking chef.

here she is making it...its SO good. it tastes JUST like a margarita and its supposedly HALF the calories.

Bethenny's Skinny Margarita: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHtrFXb1s40

This is what I did last night at Pink Taco with Jenn, I ordered tequilla, soda water, Rose's lime juice, that's it. It was delicious.

Here's to a skinny summer. Hopefully, you know not if i keep each nachos.