best part of waking up

i woke up this morning and did my usual routine. rushed at a slow pace.

i smoked a cig out back on my mini-patio, its really a cube of cement and then a fence. i watched this woman across the street and she absolutely fascinates me. she's absurd. here's why...

she had a sign on her front door that said

"no weirdos, freaks, gang members or faggots"

then some American flags drawn in crayon and "thank you! "

and i thought, bitch are you serious? that's about the rudest thing ever. this is not lynchburgh, va - this is not the deep south you are in california on a block that used to be owned by the 18th Street Gang. They will shank you, period and I'd let them. who DOES that? its 2008 you live in a neighborhood with gays, trannies, ethnic folks and the like, if you dont like it, please get the fuck out of here.

i hate that type of dissension. the kind that people impose on others. i dont feel oppressed when i see her tired ass sign, i feel sorry for her. are you that concerned? really? cause CL and westside rentals are filled to the brim with open vacancies in an area that won't drive you mad. it was very taxi driver of her to put up that sign and i get that, but it does her no favors. now im just waiting for her to go 5150.

i spent too much time pondering her, giving myself emphysema and i need to make smoothies, lay out my clothes the night before and take a good shower. not focus on negative energy so soon first thing. i do thank the sun. and thank awakening. its a beautiful thing to wake up everyday.

im planning this event for the magazine and its stressful. no money, means everybody in your business. but its also keeping my mind off of FL. though i had a dream about him last night. actually, he's been piercing my astral world with his energy. he'd love that i'm even talking about that.

last week, i awoke to what i thought with complete certainty, was him calling my name
"Wynter. Wyn!" I heard. Ugh, that killed. last night, i dreamed that he was with me walking and then i was joined by my ex from way back.

his energy is missing from my life but not like its lost. he's just not here. because it was so abrupt, i guess to me, to go from talking everyday to not talking at all, i feel like it was a band-aid that was ripped off. but because it had to be done, i guess im just dealing anyway i can by not thinking about it so much. contrary to what is written in the blog, day to day i dont obsess over him, there is nothing to be done.

the only thing im working on now, is letting go of regret and thoughts of failure. we had an amazing relationship and it brought alot out of me, I got over repressed sexual energy, feeling unfeminine, thinking i'll never fall in love. dude, i got to be in love! like the real mushy, movie thing. and it was real.

how great is that! if your relationship fails, women should rejoice in being in love, its a wonderful thing. even if it fails - you were one of the ones who got to do it! isn't that something? its a lot!

that is unless he was a douche. then i can't help you, the signs were all there you just didn't know it. thats another blog topic.