the scenario.

so...

im going through hypnotherapy. and its given me a heightened sense of awareness about myself. that's not entirely what the purpose is, you go in trying to rid yourself of one thing, leave ridding yourself of one less emotional crutch.

the smoking is an ongoing gradually declining situation...less drinking is a work in progress (note: i'm not a drunk, drunks dont know how they got home, what they said, what they were doing, they often blackout - no, i just dont like the frequency in which i'm drinking...that bugs) but what i'm most fascinated about is the fact that because of the sessions, its forced me to want things in my life, to be less complicated. less catastrophic. and it seems like the overall outlook that if i can keep things LEVEL, for instance - be OK with what I can and cannot change and focus on the bigger picture. i think the next part of this transition - is seeing the urgency and need for consistency in certain things and practicing restraint in other situations.

im on it. i feel so much more in tune with every freaking thing. my dr. her name is wanita holmes. she's pretty brilliant. she reminds me very much of a cross between my Dad's mom and my mom's grandmother.

"I've lived from sin to salvation" Her words, not mine. I loved that. I want to say that when I'm 81. I want to say that I've seen it, done it. i also want to have a legacy. she has a degree in "stop sweating the small shit"

hopefully this therapy makes a difference, cause i need something to believe in.

one caveat - she records our sessions on cassette tapes, who the eff has a cassette tape player anymore? she's lucky i dug one up. that shit is going the way of the dodo bird.