would you tell a woman her husband was a douchebag?

went to a party in the colony a few weeks back. met up with my lovely friends for an after 4th of july dinner party on the sea. it was very sweet and intimate. a small crew and lots of catered goodies. very yummers. while in attendance i made the acquaintance of a young couple, the husband being somewhat wealthy while somewhat unemployed. (daddy's money) his wife was afflicted with some acute type of eczema. lovely girl - funny sweet and pretty.

the husband quite openly criticized his wife's appearance. this is after telling me and schwartz about his lovely wedding in a 3rd world country home to my ancestors. he was drunk, don't get me wrong, we all do weird stuff when liquored up, but suddenly he became incredibly inappropriate and "huggy". i dont like awkward situations such as these, but i can't deny the obvious. without missing a beat i word vomited "you're a total douchebag", then laughed in his face as he laughed back. when you're drunk, shit takes a while to process cause then he paused and then looked at me blankly "wait...am i? am i a douchebag?"

i didn't stutter.

"yes dude...you're totally off-base. if you were my husband i'd be so sad. i'd think i make bad decisions, because there is no way i wouldn't have known before the wedding you were ridiculous."

he was taken aback and for the rest of the night pretty much retreated that was until the end.

he was back and with a vengeance. "so what are you ladies up to tonight?" i probably named 40 different things that didnt go together "washing my sponges, defragging my hard drive, then reading "unbearable lightness of being" backwards, organizing my dust bunnies, then after all that, stomping grapes and curing ketchup for a merlot-pruno blend...you?"

he babbled, and babbled. finally he was gone not soon before he was terrorizing another group of innocents. i was giving my host and hostess a big ol' hug, kiss and thank you before the wife of said douchebag appears, rolling her eyes. "i have to get away from my husband..." she said, exasperated. i saw the confusion in her eyes. the "what have i done..." he probably traipses about the colony embarrassing her from one ingloriously overpriced pub to the next...

i dont know these two from adam but i have a good eye for human behavior prompted by my intuition. i see them as the go to couple for fun, maybe not the picture of domesticity---they probably have awesome days together, have great sex and adventure...but there is nothing worse than casting doubt about your man in the face of others...this has happened to me when the ex got supremely wasted and embarrassed me during the cinco de mayo fiasco of 2006 in which he stole $ from others and licked my face. not to be confused with the 4th of july fiasco of 06 in which he called me fat for not wearing a bathing suit.

(ed note: ew. why did i put up with that for sooo long?)

i hope to find someone who will never embarrass me. because i really hate seeing it happen to others. so either marry someone who loves you more than you do him, OR dont get married ever.

so ladies, LIFE IS TOO SHORT! just do what little man did: