for AD.

friend,

this shit sucks. and screw the god damned mini-feed.

its unfair.

its heartbreaking.

for me, there are days when im ELATED and don't even remember his face.

then there are days when its all i see; in others, in the design of my apartment, the dent he created on my car, the shirt he left in my drawer.

when i goto tell a funny story and he was involved in the best part.

sometimes i hear him say my name in my sleep. sometimes i dream that he's pushing me away saying, " just leave me be, please." how do you argue with the subconscious?

when im really sad i recite every mean thing he ever said and did, and that helps me bound out of bed...

then i remember all the things he'd said i'd never heard before and how it was the way i learned about love.

other days i just pretend he was somebody i knew that i don't really know anymore.

i think that when you try to push something out of your mind, it never goes away.

at some point it rears its ugly head and then its all you can think about until something drags it away back into the the recesses of your mind, its not that im in denial of my breakup, i just think that while necessary, its similar to taxes, parking tickets, rent. you dont want to deal with it but you have to.

sometimes i wonder if we can ever be friends. but then i wonder how he could ever look at me and not want to touch me.

other times i want to have the memory of him erased, i've done enough research to know that thats impossible.

it gets easier as some point. i guess. or so ive been told.

take as long as you need, i am.

until then, you have friend, family and loved ones and of course im always there if you need.

all that said...

THE SUMMER OF WYNTER STILL PREVAILS!

keep ya head up...

xoxox