4th of July

CANDIDS

Caught attempting to say "This is so fun" after my 4th margarita.

Good ol' Ryan....love this kid...

Michelle Jones! With Toni Toni Toni.
We became besties reminiscing on muzak from our childhood.

Adam with Toni eating fries

This couple was fighting, but he was obviously making a breakthrough. It was pretty and reminds me of the movie "Valley Girl"

this posting approved by the everfabulous, j. betts.

hey, hey, you know what to do...

going to a malibu beach party tomorrow...this is my 90210/saved by the bell moment if there ever was one.

you know how every summer they went to the beachhouse or their beach jobs and got into a whole other batch of shenanigans that didn't involve their primary respective environs.

im not a huge beach person by nature, those 120 hours of community service didn't help matters.

but what better way to celebrate the height of the summer of wynter than on the beaches of the rich and ridiculously wealthy?

only problem is, i dont know what to wear. egads...

next weekend is the party im actually looking forward to...my friend kelly is coming in from london and opening up her quaint little santa monica beach house to a healthy group of hipsters and others and then there's me, i dont know what group i fit into...i want to think that i can't be pegged into clique. i roll w/ the circle of trust exclusively and those peripheral industry folks im friends with. its going to be painful trying to do that party, then roll out a bit later to an even later party late saturday early sunday.

taking schwartz out this saturday...big fun as always...

i have real problems too, beyond that fake shit - my car was hit by a DWP truck. im one of 5 people i know who have had this happen. my car looks like a transformer in mid-transformation.



so terrible. but at least it runs. the Big Guy knows and he looks out for me.

I was not trying to catch the bus to work, gas crisis or not.

the playlist

is an indicator level.

you guys realize, im really not that clever.

i let the music speak for me.

and this blog too.

earmuffs.

rebound
n 1: a movement back from an impact [syn: {recoil}, {repercussion},
   {backlash}]
2: a reaction to a crisis or setback or frustration; "he is
still on the rebound from his wife's death"
3: the act of securing possession of the rebounding basketball
after a missed shot
v 1: spring back; spring away from an impact; "The rubber ball
  bounced"; "These particles do not resile but they unite
  after they collide" [syn: {bounce}, {resile}, {take a  hop}, {spring}, {bound}, {recoil}, {reverberate}, {ricochet}]
2: return to a former condition; "The jilted lover soon rallied
and found new friends"; "The stock market rallied" [syn: {rally}]

goddammit, im a grown woman and i do what i please when i please. thats evident.

astrobarry predicted i'd be introduced to a libra. who do i meet? a virgo-libra cusp. wowzers. the compatibility chart had some strong opinions about this. meet...well more like reacquaint myself with...more on that later...that's...something else.

1- ive been working out like a fiend for the last 2 months, even more the last 3 weeks and not missing a day in the gym in over 2.5 weeks, i feel great and i look great. i can now see how it will look with even more weight gone and that's awesome. his pillow talk on my level of sexiness were warranted and an incredible ego boost. natch.

2-its been 90 days since the breakup folks. think its safe to say i have really made the effort to move on in a proper way and i've mourned and cherished the end of that. i marinated on rebounding for 2 months of a respect for the situation...

3- this MLA is ridiculously hot. you could not kick him out of bed if you tried. seriously, tall w/ a body like a greek god and the most amazing hair. a full head of it even.

4- i had to cancel cinemax. it was destroying my faith in humanity. cause i'd fall asleep watching, oh i dont know, dances w/ wolves and wake up to some awful, foul, terrible shit involving 2-3 people and one awkwardly placed pair of legs. but something told me to cherish the last two nights i had skinemax and it came in handy- i need to publish a textbook, a how-to for the art of successfully handling an MLA in the new millennium. it would be called "he's just not that into you...if you act like you give a shit"

5- when you slim down, clothes fit perfectly. didn't really over think the outfit, a fresh blowout, tight jeans and translucent tight tee w/ neon pink bra, a pretty vaguely natural face plied w/ beer and conversation. yes a neon pink bra. inspired by carrie bradshaw by way of patricia field.

and finally...

6- this is what you are supposed to do, right? i dont know, im a beginner at breakup recovery!!
it was so very theatrical. right, that's how a director (he) and writer (i) would do things, in a very cinematic manner. there was a lot of chess in the beginning...some mind games, real historical discussion and a trading of facts, horror movie quizzing, the ever present question "why the hell do (i) have so many books?", getting to know you and then...always, the deus ex machina: the accidental ass swipe.

him: (as he's from what i can tell, smelling my hair as i grab a glass from high atop the cupboard) ooops...sorry bout that, my fault.
me: right. well, my ass is huge and my kitchen is small. bound to happen-right?

weirdo.

but i loved. it.

cause im fierce.

and its the SUMMER OF WYNTER.

but...here's where it gets sorta tricky...

i used to live above him.

and i wasn't a fan. so many restless nights i had from his loud ass.

so we bump into each other over a month ago. trade emails, not even phone numbers, nothing dangerous i was being nice. then i start getting these ultra-sultry emails. sometimes at 4 in the morning, sometimes at a normal hour, they went from hotsex to perfectly safe. i got confused that maybe it was ME who was being inappropriate. no he was inappropriate from start tho i thought he was joking, i never insinuated i wanted to go there. whatever. i was suspicious. but then he starts talking sugar, saying he has a crush on me, im pretty, i look good, this that and the other. goes on to say he didn't have a crush on me when i lived above him -- but he always thought i was "funny and interesting". always thought FL and I made a hot couple, was always curious about what one saw in the other and agreed w/ his roommate and aunt that i was the aggressor and he was the enabler. they had discussions about us? and he could hear everything we did. everything. oy.

we'd met up up once before, there was guacamole involved and some tequila but i dont really remember that night so well. partially because it was a blur. when we met up again, he reveals he didn't remember me being so hot or such a character. yea right. but then he kept the inquisition about fl, "he's such a nice guy" "i really like that guy..." "maybe you guys will work it out..." "seems like such a sweet guy"

in the end he spills "i just didn't understand what you two had.." ENOUGH ALREADY. why are you supposed to understand? i dont even understand. tunnelvision. no one was gonna clue you in, pal. you were NEVER on my radar.

you dont like the guy that much if you are trying to bang his ex. period. curious as a cat he was; about me, my life, my work, my attitude. intrigued that i would ever date and even go so far as to love (and i do, will always...) someone like FL. i poo-pooed talk of FL as much as i could as there is no need to go into details. thats weird. the funk of our relationship hanging over an otherwise silly night, no need. then the bombshell: he tells me that FL had led on that i was the nut in the relationship. if that doesn't put you on top of someone faster, finding out that your ex was hanging you out to dry. always tell the truth fella, cause the guy you are spilling to may be spilling it somewhere else later...maybe even into her.

q: do you worry FL will read this?
a: yes and no. yes, because im afraid of what he might think....no, because i can't really think about what he thinks anymore. his opinion of my life is no longer my business.

i sound feisty, but i had the best time. did i have reservations about hanging out w/ the neighbor to begin with. no. see above, i do what i want when i want. it always happens to me, first look at a guy whom i have peripheral exposure to and i could not be bothered a minute more, upon closer inspection however then i can kind of see what the big deal is. i forgot how to be boy crazy which is a good thing but now im just pensive and suspicious. remaining forever sexy while doing so.

so there it is. strong black independent woman. he's a by product of this self-love and what a nice piece of by product he is...on sex and the city, they always rebound on w/ someone completely opposite to what you were in love with. in this case, i hooked up w/ an incredibly funny and sarcastic jock who hates computers.

life is sooooooooo weird.

"better bring a parka...

...cause wynter's coming" - smrtmnky


emergence, reinvention, closure.

this is the final stage of a breakup and it appears that i am all up in that.

this blog really helps me just get it all out in the open. i dont really totally care about being discreet, as long as i dont write about my work or something slanderous, i think i can be open about what im dealing with here. im being honest.

and honestly, ive been smart and strategic about every aspect of this breakdown/breakthrough. i've been thoughtful, emotional when necessary, having fun and feeling free. unburdened, unbridled, less inhibited. i feel like summer started april 1. i can't believe its july 1. i have accepted and moved on. for every girl/guy friend who told me i needed to move on, i kept saying that i was close, and i wasn't lying.

i know myself, when im through, im tha-rough. i weigh pros, cons and the outcome of not carefully planning my actions. the older i get, the less i want to be embarrassed. i think my strategy of patience and vigil has worked out quite well.

the way i feel today, compared to 90 days ago is remarkable. i feel stronger, more resilient and prepared to handle what life hands me.

i have not had great days everyday, some days i feel downright crappy, i just came out of a 2 week blah fest...but we're moving into the next stage of my reinvention.

what happens next? can't tell you...but the plan is working flawlessly.