3 out of 4 aint bad...

best month on record and if obama wins, i will say that %75 of 2008 has EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS.

what a year folks.

what a fucking year.

started with me attempting to salvage a mess of a relationship, get my foothold in this industry in which my knowledge is genius level and survive. just plain survival.

and look at what i have gained...its been so amazing. all the love, all the support, all the wealth.

i've earned more money this year than i ever have.
i've learned more about the woman i am to become.
i've fought off demons real and imaginary.
i've learned to accept who i am, and its non negotiable for others.

here i am about to trek back to chicago to cover the story in which i wrote and reporter and hustled dan rather style to put together. there is a reason my obsession with news as a baby was such, its my lifeblood. i love to be informed and to inform others.

since my blog is mostly about life love and sex, i'd say that love will come and it will be great again and i will totally welcome the right one in...but for now, the rest? is awesome.

lets hear it for the boy...

a few things about the guy i just started dating: we met cute at the binary party a few weeks ago.
he wears glasses and is blind as a bat w/o them. he hasn't traveled much, and suggested we go to NY together. hes funny and has a sharp wit and can sense my hesitation. "Am I am too young for you?" he asked while we walked arm in arm to the party from my apartment. "Ummm...I dont know yet. I just dont know." He reminds me of someone I used to know. The COT knows what I mean.

But his DJ schedule is a thorn in my side, he is more excited about molesting his Technics than me! I am jealous of two turntables and crowds of aimless 20somethings. i feel too old attending one of his gigs, what with their multicolored flyers and crazy fonts and cover charges. his myspace page looks like my car after a night at the Vanguard. Obvi, he fits my criteria for consideration; cute, weird and smart.

"what kind of mood are you in?" he asked after i was curt and brief in our IM exchange.

HA. i bristled at the insinuation i was in any kind of mood other than WONDERFUL.

"i just saw jay-z last night, my outfit was amazing, I danced my heart out, I am AWESOME"

"Great, that's fun -but i'm just getting a weird vibe from you"

OVER Instant Messenger? Aw hell...well...I've never been considered subtle.

Its just, I'm used to things moving so fast and now that I'm dating someone who moves pretty slow "Like an old man..." he claims...I dont know what to do with myself. So my first mode is to, pump the brakes, screech everything to a halt til I get an answer that satisfies me. This is the "stuff" you know, this is how you learn who you are in a relationship and who you are as a person seeking a relationship.

Oh ME, haven't I learned anything!!? They dont like that, they dont like being pressured or forced into anything. Who's forcing? They also don't like being asked questions directly, and looked in the eye and admitting when they are wrong. They also don't like being compared...

"And would you mind please not comparing me to your ex, I'm completely sure we are two different people, I'm actually positive we are nothing alike at all. K?"

My word. Melt a girl's heart why dont you...

"And trust me, I'm not OVER invested...yet."

Hisssscratch! He's a straight shooter which is something I appreciate.

He's also a DJ who smokes loose tobacco in hand rolled cigs and he wears skateboarding shoes but doesn't skateboard and lives in the deep Valley and LOVES it and doesn't like getting TOO crazy (and that would mean more than 3 drinks in one night) of course he also is obsessed with dance music and politics and sees right through my bullshit.He without doubt, does not let me act stupid for the sake of getting attention.

We are going to see "W" Monday or Tuesday and have dinner after that.

If it lasts 90 days, it will be incredibly fun no doubt.

As for insta-date, well, we are essentially "dating" because he wont stop calling and begging to take me out on a proper date, but I dont think he will make it past the threshold of real dating until he stops A) calling me and watching tv at the same time and B) stops saying I am making him "work" for it. He needs to be quiet.

different songs, same difference

avoid perverts

at all costs, they won't let you sleep and they won't take no for an answer.

i found this out the hard way about 2 weeks...don't let it happen to you.

its not fun, or funny. its wrong.

oh by the way...he told all his friends about it. that's not funny either.

grow up.

usually i'd be ok with the chatter, but something changed this summer - besides the blog which only a few people know how to access, i'm going to tone down my mouth. i'm not saying im a gossip, i just LOVE talking. especially about myself. and LOOOOOVE having an opinion, ESPECIALLY about others.

so the first time i keep it on the DL about someone, cause i didn't know how to feel about him, I've never dealt with someone having such a perversion, that i just kept it quiet.

quite honestly, i felt sort of violated?

but i wouldn't because he'd recognize that and then back off, for like 30 seconds...

no no no, its not allowed, no more.

im young enough to do it, but too old for it.

insta-date

had an insta-date on saturday.

an insta-date is when you are minding your business then a guy (or girl, for these purposes, a guy) approaches you and starts with the "business". "Hey there, you should give me your number" Ugh. Then you decide to do a date right then and there, whether its coffee or dinner or a bagel. from there its consummated or NOT because you want to see them again or NOT because its not gonna go anywhere AND you are not attracted to them.

dont know about you, but i generally give him the hand and move on - but this time i lingered because he literally went from bravado to shy in the span of 2 minutes. his game went to lame in under 120 seconds...he was intimidated! ugh I'm a bitch!

it was sad, cause maybe he's THE ONE and what am I doing! then he made a joke - so cute - a little joke about the fact that a nerd was blasting Vaudevillian muzak out of his beat up Honda. The guy says "I thought the Little Rascals were gonna come running after him"

That was cute, you must admit.

Well that was the extent of his charm as I later discovered. I invited him over for a glass of wine since he was funny and complimentary and I thought I could tolerate him for a minimum of 2-3 dates. I was feeling particularly adventurous, why not.

What does he do? Fucks it up within minutes...he ends up bringing over a comedy tape and proceeds to hi-jack my television with some of the most unfunny comedy I've seen in recent time. It was painful - and he was cackling for days.

Here's where he went wrong - can you spot it? He brought over a VIDEO on our insta-date. You're joking right - it not like we have been dating for a year now and shit is stale and the only thing to kind of hold our attention is watching this shit. I cannot really be watching you watch television right now...this is your life, this is that big moment - if I'm as pretty and smart and independent and funny and this is what you crave, need and desire cause you can't find it in LA, then I can't possibly have done anything to be less interesting in the time from come over to you arriving with a tape. Being nice I let him control the DVD for an hour - then I turned it off, but guess what, BEERFEST was on. Oh shit, Beerfest is on...kill power, KILL POWER. So he HAD to watch the tailend of Beerfest -this ends now- so I finished the night just like this...

W: Oh look at the time...
ID: Oh no! Hold on, I love this part...
W: I do too...so much that I'll pause it while I walk you out.

He grabbed his keys and wallet and we had an awkward hug - he drank most of my 2-buck chuck.

He texted me the next night at about 11 - "Hi" I responded "Hey, going to bed, have a great night" Then I shut off my phone. I awoke to this:

>:(


Holy shit, I know how to pick 'em.

That's the end of that.

i figure ive got one year...

...to do something big and wild before i can't be involved in the youngest people to do....whatever...under 30. then its a crap shoot and you either soar or suck. yes i admire my friends success. i have many friends who have reaped a lot of success. i appreciate their emotional support. i feel like perpetual little sister but that has propelled me to accept my fate. 29 is like RIGHT THERE. jesuchristo.

so...i guess i need to throw myself into something (my writing) - and get really passionate about (being a writer) it. take it (writing) somewhat more seriously than say what i consider serious now. my current passion, can i really get on another plane and go to mexico again at the urging of one of my best bestie's. i can be an insufferable brat and oh the grief that i give him (albeit with love!) he more than deserves 10 days away. i'm opting against. that's not realistic!

im focused on this election, the future and sarah palin, i'll be laughing hysterically at her shameless fall tomorrow. wow - is this really gonna happen. she's going to get blown out. we didn't fall for it! - my mom is protesting this over the phone to me when i call her to rehash the day's events. with mercury falling out of retrograde things are going back to normal? so she continues on about the collective "we" being the young people. she has faith in us, those under 30 to do the right thing. vote and be aware of the issues and what we are up against.

so sarah palin went through the slidng door of life and got the oliver stone version of "to die for". its what this whole situation surrounding her reminds me of - its the 80s. she has the boyfriend who suffered through all her magical whims and attempts at power and stardom - he loved her madly and got her pregnant as soon as he could. then she moves from multi-college graduate to pageant winner to sportscaster to super hockey mom to governor and now vice president? how dare we judge her and her life. her pregnant daughter and effably dorky babydaddy. the manicured pantsuits, the banana clip. we're making her nervous - shipping her off to big cities and making her pronounce countries and names only her dreams could conjur.
this lady is the american dream.

she's also the world's nightmare. what have we become. its my favorite chris rock quote: "are we that stupid america, that we'd fall for a trickless magician?!"

we did it before.

i ask you...

dont vote for this lady or that man.

we are already in a world of hurt. trying to live your best life should not be this difficult and our parents bore the brunt...

anyway...i have to tie it together - so i am focusing on making even MORE changes in my life - and that includes navigating my career into a narrow focus - success in my eyeline. really.
and as always honing my health. starting with the elimination of cigarettes. i just did it. third try, i think the charm. and just staying cuffless. to be perfectly honest.

Summer was fun but i think Fall is way more hawt.

:)